Review #15: Forever Black, by Sandi Lynn

One of the side effects of 50 Shades of Grey being published is that every third middle aged woman who once wrote sappy poetry when she was thirteen now thinks that she, too, can become a published author. And she can, if she goes the self-published route, which seems like it's maybe not so hard, at least based on what I just read.

I've read a lot of crappy books in my life. I have no shame (after all, I read Beautiful Bastard - and admitted it), and I generally finish even the crappiest of books. But I wanted to quit this book about eight hundred times (probably after the sentence that began with "30". Not "Thirty", mind you, or even "thirty" (which I could have forgiven), but "30". Twice in the same page.) But I soldiered on so I can report back to the Cannonballers.

Fair warning: I'm going to spoil the ending of this book. Nobody is going to read it. And if they do, it's not like I'm giving away state secrets.

Ellery Lane meets Connor Black (get it? Black? Grey?) in a bar as he's being tossed out because he's too drunk. Ellery, in a fit of total stupidity rides home in the cab with this complete stranger and brings him in to his house, cleans him up, and spends the night to make sure he doesn't choke on his own vomit. (There's a good story to tell your grandkids.) Connor, naturally, only has one night stands, so he's pissed to find Ellery in the kitchen the next morning, and so she leaves, but he's intrigued by her. So of course, he stalks her and they fall in love. But Connor's broken - some former girlfriend committed suicide after they broke up - and he struggles with the relationship. But there's a twist here! Turns out that Ellery is broken, too. She's got cancer and she's refusing treatments and is just waiting around to die.

This book is so horribly written that at times I couldn't understand what was going on. I had to read the dialogue aloud so that I could make heads or tails of it. Never mind that the story reads like a Nicholas Sparks novel on crack - I could almost get past that part - but the grammar issues made my head hurt. I'm surprised Bill Shakespeare hasn't risen from his grave and smashed this "author's" computer.

Sandi Lynn is working on her second novel. I know some third-graders who need to practice their editing skills. Maybe I should hook them up.